For Sweetheart

[got_your_tongue]

Doll's in the bar, doing her level best to take up an entire booth for herself.


(She went a few rounds with Donny--turned the tables on him this time--and worked a couple sentences. She thinks she's got the weirdness worked out of her system. She thinks.)


She's nursing a glass of bourbon, making liberal refills from the bottle on the table. There may also be some humming.

Comments

[got_your_tongue]

The corner of her mouth twitches in a smile.

"If the place didn't sling crap like this at me, it'd be just another bar; I could stay home and get trashed for a lot less trouble."

Judging by her tone, she doesn't mind the trouble too much.

Mostly.

[notveryfearful.livejournal.com]

That gets a snicker out of her, and another grateful mini-hug.

[got_your_tongue]

Hugback.

"That's my girl."

(and no one else, whatever face they wear)
(if I took it from her, would that change everything?)

[notveryfearful.livejournal.com]

Sweetheart sniffles, lets out a teary, "Ah, shit," and kisses Doll's collarbone.

"You okay?"

[got_your_tongue]

"Yeah.



I think the room might be rotating," she adds.

"But I'm okay.

You?"

[notveryfearful.livejournal.com]

"I don't know."

She shifts slightly. "C'mere." Scooting onto the bed a little more, she tips them both back so that they're lying down.

The fact that this makes it easier for her to wrap herself around Doll is not incidental.

[got_your_tongue]

Doll twines herself back around Sweets as much as she can.

She runs a hand through the other woman's hair, quiet for the time being.

[notveryfearful.livejournal.com]

There are a lot of things going through Sweetheart's head right now.

Most of them involve her own death, about a year after (Nita) she celled Jasmine. Some of them involve wondering whether the woman Doll met is going to die like that.

Some of them involve Timeheart.

In spite of Doll's presence and caresses, Sweetheart is finding it impossible to relax.

[got_your_tongue]

"I don't imagine you want to talk about it," she says softly.

(take her tongue and keep her silent not against the rules if she isn't yet a contractor)

"But is there anything I can do?"

[notveryfearful.livejournal.com]

"I don't know. No. It was -- all a long time ago." Her arms tighten. "It's all a long way away."

A breath; two; three.

"Just -- stick around?"

[got_your_tongue]

Doll closes her eyes.



"I'm not going anywhere."

[notveryfearful.livejournal.com]

"Thanks."

Sweets lets go of Doll long enough to rub her own eyes, then goes back to clinging cuddling.






"Have you ever met anyone Downside that you knew when you were live?"

[got_your_tongue]

She shakes her head.

"No."

She wonders sometimes if the boys are there with names she wouldn't recognize, if they've somehow managed to pass each other by all this time and any day now she could turn a corner and find them.

She isn't sure if she wants to.

[notveryfearful.livejournal.com]

"Mm."

Breathing.



"Are you sure you're okay?"

[got_your_tongue]

"As okay as I'm going to be in the near future."

What it lacks in reassurance, it makes up for in honesty. Her voice is soft still, but clear.

(She has been considerably less okay.)

[notveryfearful.livejournal.com]

"Wh--"

She makes a small noise, shakes her head slightly. "Never mind."

[got_your_tongue]

"No."

And oh God that she doesn't believe in, this feels all too familiar.

"What d'you want to ask?"

[notveryfearful.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Some things take a long time to change.

"What bothers you about it so much?"

[got_your_tongue]

Doll pauses only long enough to draw breath before she starts her answer.

"First, I'd gotten used to running into people from different times, but I'd never met somebody who looked just like somebody else but wasn't."

She'll get to the veracity of that Nita becoming (being) this...Sweetheart in a moment.

"It was you, but live."

The word is steeped in (fragile changing different destroyable) layers of meaning.

"I panicked a lot at first over what I should or shouldn't tell her. Far be it from me to rewrite the fucking universe." The corner of her mouth twitches, then smooths.

"I wasn't even sure she could--ever--be you. She was so close, but this place is so fucked and I...


I wanted to kiss her, to hurt her, to find out who she was underneath. Maybe to see if it was you; maybe to prove it wasn't, I don't..."

She doesn't quite flinch. Doll has a nasty habit of destroying the things she loves; being confronted with a live (copy) version of Sweets set certain idea wheels turning she'd prefer not to discuss.

[notveryfearful.livejournal.com]

Sweets does wince.

"Think you're going to feel like that if you see her again? The -- wanting to hurt her."

(Doll is a torturer. If Sweets can't deal with the fact that she enjoys hurting people, she shouldn't be here.)

[got_your_tongue]

"I might."

Yay for honesty?

"But wanting something and doing it aren't the same."

It's the closest she'll come to saying she won't touch her. Nita caught her by surprise before; the shock took her off balance and violence is an easy way to keep herself steady.

Next time--if there is a next time--she'll be ready.

[notveryfearful.livejournal.com]

She props herself up on one elbow to look at Doll.

". . . Okay." She strokes Doll's cheek lightly.

"You can't find out who she is by hurting her. She's been hurt too much."

[got_your_tongue]

Doll looks back from beneath half lidded eyes.

"No touching, then. I promise."

[notveryfearful.livejournal.com]

That, Sweets would like to seal with a kiss.

"Thanks."

(And another quick kiss, just because.)

Laying back down, she manages to summon up enough humor to add, "You'd probably find out more about her if you could get her into bed, but I didn't really figure out bisexuality until I was Downside."

[got_your_tongue]

That gets a chuckle.

"Sad as that is for her, I don't have too much to complain about."